Cherry Lips † when lightning strikes

Saturday, April 26, 2003: Milk

Mood: Odd. :/
Music: "Hollywood" by Madonna

I haven't updated in FOREVER. My sincere appologies... I've been extremely busy. I promise to make it up to ya.

I'm currently on Spring Vacation. So as of now I'm not stressing over school. And Vaca has been decent. Except for Tuesday, where I was forced to walk three and a half miles from Drama Rehersal back home in the fucking rain. It was not a pleasent experience, I nearly died three times no less, fucking cars.

I've been extremely sick the past month or two too. At one point when I stayed after school from Drama I puked... well, blood. I was also extremely dizzy and couldn't really stand-up for a bit without falling over myself.

Some of my friends keep trying to hint that I have bulemia or something. But I DON'T. Honestly I don't, I'm just not happy with myself and the way I look I guess... people tell me I'm as skinny as a tooth-pick too. And I hate that, it makes me feel so self-concious. I guess the bulemia thing is understandable because I do puke, not because I want too... but because I feel really sick, dirty and I can't keep it down. I can't help it and they should leave me the fuck alone.

Another reason for me being sick all the time is because I've just recently discovered I'm lactose intolerant. I guess it's the main factor for my puking because I usually only do it at school and feel the worst after lunch because they serve milk with your food. Now that I don't drink milk and shit I feel much healthier. But it's odd, because I can still eat yogurt and cheese because when they're produced they're processed with these enzymes that do something to the lactose. Heh. So I guess it's that and a mental thing... am I making sense? I dun' even think I do.

Drama Club is going to hell in a basket and it's really pissing me off. We're doing a production of the musical Guys & Dolls, and I have a lead role in it, Nathan Detroit.

I found out awhile ago that there was a petition going around to give my understudy my role and kick me out. This dissapoints me greatly if anything.

I was told my co-star actually started it and it surprised me greatly because she'd be the last person to pull a stunt like that I think. Meh, it's ALWAYS the quiet ones, right?. Not only that the understudy is one of her friends. And it seems that other people think I was only casted as Nathan because the student director supposedly has a crush on me but that's not true, the student director didn't cast anyone.

However, I do think that it was unfair. If I wasn't able to pull the part off I highly doubt I would be casted for it. I can understand if I was irresponsible, didn't know my lines and never showed up to rehearsel but the thing is I do. Not only that, I'm the only male actor with formal vocal training. I mean, am I not qualified or something? Blah, sorry... this just irks me. I hate High School.

Our director then talked to me and my understudy about the whole situation... I knew that my understudy didn't start the whole thing so I didn't have any issues with him. Before this however, I confronted my co-star and politely talked to her about the whole situation, I did NOT give her an attitude because first of all, she's my section leader in band and not only that I have to work with her, I can't work with someone when I'm constantly thinking, "Bitch! Bitch! Bitch!" Anyway, my understudy gives me this look and says, "Don't you ever talk to my friends like that again or I will personally deal with you. Because you made her cry." Ahah! First of all the moron is being hypocrite by talking to me in that manner, and from what I know, I did nothing to provoke her into tears. If she cried, oh well... that's her problem, not mine. Not only that my understudy could develope a bit more tact and common sense as to tell me such things in private when our director isn't present. I felt like giving him a piece of my mind but I shut up because I wanted the whole situation to blow over.

I also found out from my understudy that it wasn't my co-star who started the petition. So I was given some bad information supposedly but after 5 people tell you that it was this person... I think it's understanably credible. So I have my doubts when it comes to my co-star. However, I still have my role and the director lectured the others about the whole ordeal. Needless to say, drama isn't fun anymore. Fuckign gossip. Did I mention I hate High School?

Remembering the whole drama thing has made me quite upset so I don't think I could talk about anything else without being extremely biast and critical at the moment. Until tomorrow then.

Good-bye and damn you,
~ <3 James

Sunday, March 9, 2003: Obsidian Butterfly

Mood: Melancholy/Apathetic
Music: "Hey Jupiter" by Tori Amos

I've had an awful weekend. When mother is sick she gets extremely moody and tends to take her frusteration out on other people. I can usually deal with it, but last night... just blah.

She told me to wash the dishes last night. And I said, "Fine, after I eat dinner I will." I was in the middle of eating when she comes up running to me flailing her fists and pretty much starts attacking me. Needless to say I was in the middle of swallowing so when she first hit me I started choking. Fun, ne? So I kicked her back and she started screaming crap along the lines of, "I hate you! Blah blah blah!" That's just the tip of the ice berg so meh.

Most of the time I get along with my mother pretty well, and other times I'm not so sure of what happens between us. She came into my room after the incident and asked if I loved her... my reply went along the lines of, "Not right now I don't, fuck off." And she broke down crying. I don't feel bad at all that she did, nope. It pisses me off when people take their anger out on me. But when she left I started crying... and I felt bad for myself. Fucking hell, I'm so selfish I hate it sometimes.

I fought the urge to cut again, so I vented by playing the piano and writing.

It's... 11:11 A.M. at the moment, make a wish. She's still in bed so I have yet to confront her again.

I don't feel like writing anymore, fuck it.

No one's picking up the phone,
~ <3 James

Thursday, February 27, 2003: Heavenly Surrender

Mood: Je me sens malade. (I feel sick.)
Music: "Get Out Of My Head" by MDFMK

Lalala...

Hmmm. I just got out of drama about an hour ago. Someone shoot me now, I'll be extremely thankful. We're doing a musical, "Guys & Dolls". And I have a lead role, go me. Sooo many lines to memorize. @_@;;; Sooo many songs to learn. And I've never done a musical before, so this should be interesting.

I get along really well most of the time with this person in drama, but today this said person was annoying. They were being a brat about being stuck with a certain role. First of all, the role this person was casted for has a solo and actually has a NAME unlike a lot of the lesser characters. So they should be grateful but they aren't. But hey, what the hell am I gonna do? *Rolls eyes*

Also, on a mournful note, a friend of two good friends of mine died in that fire at The Station thursday night. I found out last sunday, and it greatly saddens me to see my friends in such a mess. The guy that died was also the lead singer in a local band... so just blah. I've met him a couple of times, he seemed nice. I don't think he liked me much though. :P Anyway, may he rest in peace.

Yeah, and the play for the Thandia Fere is tomorrow night, the one I helped direct. I'm not sure if I'm going to go though, I might go to Trinity instead. But that's only if my friend (One of the two that lost the guy to the fire) goes, I doubt it. She's the worst one off of the two. But if she does go, she might bring along this really hot guy that I actually met a week ago from today, same day as the fire. But yeah, will something come of it? I dunno. Maybe. I've been told I'm too girly for him though. XD;; And I've been yelled at for not intending to go the play tomorrow, we'll see what happens.

Oh, and I pulled the same tendon in my neck on tuesday that I did last year. I went home early from school because of it and stayed home wednesday. It's better now though, just a bit sore all thanks to bengay and vicodin. At least I can actually turn my head now.

I'm not going to the dress rehearsel tonight for Thandia Fere... I think the flu-thing thats been going around has finally caught up with me. I feel like shit. I'm not needed at the meeting tonight to begin with, I'll just end up giving people tarot card readings and listening to Marilyn Manson as usual.

I also heard that Mr. Rodgers died from cancer this morning, the guy who did that kids tv show with the little trollie (SP?) thing. Heh. I used to watch his show when I was little too. What's up with everyone and dying now? WTF?

Nothing more to say, I'll just leave you with the probability of me getting some tomorrow. XD;;

I worship you,
~ <3 James

Monday, February 24, 2003: Alpha & The Omega

Mood: Tired. n_n;;;
Music: "Bang" by the Yeah Yeah Yeahs

Yes, see the betterness of the now added mood and music! Ph33r it I say. Fuck you livejournal! XPPP!

Much love to MD for setting this other blog up. I heart you as always. :D

So yeah, I have a new blog. Only difference is, is that the address has changed. All because of my little incident with school and it being a nosey little mofo.

Now that I've learnt my lesson I don't intend to fuck this one up again. If I do I think MD will get an ulcer. XD;;

So... bonsoir mon amis. Good to see all of you again.

As a fuck son, you sucked,
~ <3 James